Red High Tops

Today has been a good day so far. Last night Amy and I started watching Star Trek Enterprise because we want to watch the entire Star Trek timeline from beginning to end, chronologically rather than in the order of release. I enjoyed spending the time with her, just laying in the bed watching some Science Fiction. I say I have finally converted Amy to the dark side, she insists she did it herself. But I think if we had not met, Amy would not have become such the science fiction lover she is now.

I also accompanied Amy on the paper route. I didn't actually do any walking or paper delivery, but being with Amy as she drove from route to route, just talking, was fun, and I got to do some thinking and meditation while I waited in the car while she delivered the papers.

After all that, we slept for a few hours. Around 1:30 or 2:00 thereabouts, both of us got up and we made plans for the day. Amy had class (she should be home soon) but after that, we are going to go to the library together. I have some books on hold to pick up as well as several I am finished with that need to go back. (If I don't keep everything in one place and return it as soon as I finish, it gets lost.)

I feel nice today. I took a long warm bath, and when I got dressed I decided I was going to wear something pretty. I have a red blouse on over a black skirt, with my red crinoline underneath it all. And on my feet, what else but my red high top Chuck Taylors? It may not be fashionable, but who cares? I like dressing this way every now and then. It makes me feel feminine and pretty, which can be a hard feeling to grasp when you've been sick.

My wig shipped today, it should arrive around the middle of next week. I hope it's a nice one. It was pretty in the picture, but there's always a worry when you buy online.

I wonder how my family will handle it if I get the diagnosis of leukemia. I am pretty OK with it, it makes sense to me and I am relieved to think that it's something relatively fixable. But Amy still has a hard time with it all and I never really know what her parents are thinking. I also don't talk to my own parents as much as I should, but I've never been one to talk when I don't have anything to say. There's no news to speak of yet, and all my thoughts tend to go here or on Facebook unless they are REALLY personal. I wish I could just read everyone's minds when I want to. Just ask and get an honest, unbiased opinion of how they think of me and my situation...sigh.

I am currently fairly sure it is leukemia. The doctor at the clinic seems to be, as well. I really hope I can be sedated for the bone marrow biopsy, if not completely knocked out...

Currently that's the biggest worry on my mind after how the family will handle it. That damn biopsy. It looks painful, and everyone I've talked to says it is. VERY painful in fact. I wish there was another way to diagnose this thing accurately. I don't want to have the biopsy but I know it is necessary. But I don't handle pain as well as I used to. I think it's because I have so much other pain, everything added on top is just another step towards sensory overload. Bleh.

The Cymbalta is already helping with pain though. My ankles and back are doing much better, Knees hips and shoulders still hurt, but I'll give it time. These things can take a while.

I wonder if I should have this blog made into a book after it's all over? There isn't much out there dealing with young adults and cancer, and I was told by someone else who's been exactly where I am now, that leukemia is one of the hardest cancers of all for people to understand. I think it might help someone to know that they are not alone.

Which reminds me, there's this awesome organisation called I'm Too Young For This. Their website is www.stupidcancer.com and they deal specifically with young adults dealing with cancer. They do a lot of advocacy work as well as having an online support group type of thing. Check them out if you have a chance! I also plan to write up a reading list of the books and websites that help me the most while I continue to do research on this thing.

Anyway, Amy just walked in the door, so I will end this post for now!